I distinctly remember the day I was standing at the check-in line at the Honolulu Airport just about to begin my nine month journey of independence, self-actualization, and maturity. Never having traveled on my own, I as well as my father was scared for myself as my 12 hour flight that included a transfer at Korea was delayed 3 hours. The Asiana workers were unable to guarantee passengers they were going to make their connection flights, meaning there was a chance I would have to spend the night at Icheon Airport or arrive in Hong Kong during the middle of the night. All these factors created a panic in my head and for a split second I had the strongest urge to stop everything and forgo the entire trip.
Thinking back on it now, I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I pushed past my fears of the unknown, even under circumstances beyond my control I was still able to pull myself together and continue on the journey toward my long time goal of returning to Hong Kong.
As I was heading over to Immigrations there was a Chinese family in front of me. From their conversation I suspect it was the lady and her family that came to Hawaii to visit her sister and her family. Trying to find my way in line, the local family was walking their visitors up until Immigration where they were unable to proceed further. As the husbands waved farewell with joy in their voices as if to say "see you later," the sisters were sobbing and looking at each other with glances that screamed "good-bye." There are many ways to send someone off, the two common ones being 拜拜 (Bài Bài) and 再見 (Zài Jiàn). When we bid someone farewell, many times we don't fully realize the message we send out. 拜拜 (Bài Bài) is phonetically translated from good-bye meaning 'God be with you' and ultimately implies you are leaving someone with the chance of never seeing them again. 再見 (Zài Jiàn) on the other hand directly translated is 'see you again' meaning there will be a chance, whether it be one year or ten years, we WILL see each other again.
During this moment I vividly remember thinking to myself: when I depart from Hong Kong back to Hawai'i, will I have someone walking me to immigration whom I will cry for and they for me. Will there be someone who tells me 再見 with the phrase's full intentions or will they simply say 拜拜 and move on with their lives.
Fast forward nine months and I can proudly say I've accomplished what I wanted to accomplish.
Going into this study abroad opportunity my ultimate goal was self-discovery. There was no doubt I was going to receive an educational experience different from Hawaii and the US. I was also certain that I would be able to meet and make friends from all over the world. But what I wasn't sure of was whether I would be able to meet someone who understood I wasn't going to stay for long but was still willing to invest time, effort, and resources in me to build a relationship worth keeping even after I returned back to Hawaii. The back of my head overall had hoped that I would be able to understand myself a little more in terms of the person I am: Chinese, Hong Kong-er, American, Chinese-American,
Whenever someone asks me how my trip went, this is what I tell them:
Studying abroad in Hong Kong was a life changing opportunity for me. I became a more mature self through the different obstacles I encountered and hurdled over. I was also able to express the side of me that no one in Hawaii understood, the side that loved watching TVB, listening to Chinese music, and learning about the Chinese language and culture. Although hard at times to express myself in a language other than English, I still enjoyed the challenge and growth of using Cantonese as well as Mandarin in daily life. Before leaving the island, I truly believed I would stay in Hawai'i my entire life. However coming back after experiencing all that I have, my new goal is to return to Hong Kong and create a career for myself. Hawai'i is definitely where I want to settle down, raise kids, and grow old. But for now, during my 20s where I am motivated and capable of fighting, I want to be in a place that allows me to fight a battle that will go down in history.
In the nine months I was away, I faced three deaths. Whether a family member, friend, or acquaintance, this event taught me no matter what walk of life we're at there will come a time when things must end. Whether 20, 40, or 80 I want to be able to live my life with no regrets of not having done something I wanted but was too afraid to do. I admit that there were times when I wasn't able to muster the confidence to express certain things, but as my days go on I will become a better me and learn to express myself more vividly.
What touched my heart the most was everyone who saw me off at the airport the next day. With everyone in their red Hall 10 tees and the men carrying my luggage for me, I was speechless at the generosity and connection I made with each and everyone of them. When we got to the airport, they surprised me with a farewell video with snip bits of everyone expressing their impressions of me along with a farewell message. I was so shocked with everything they did for me that you can say I forgot to cry. As I ran through Immigrations afraid I would miss my flight, I turned to hear everyone yell "再見" while waving me farewell, until we meet again.
As my plane began to roll away from the airport, it had finally hit me that I was leaving Hong Kong and didn't know when I would be able to return again. At that moment a waterfall of memories and pain began to run down my face. Through out the entire flight I practically cried myself to sleep over and over until I reached Hawaii.
Returning back to Hawaii I definitely had reverse culture shock. Although everyone and everything was the same, I wasn't. I longed for the life I had in Hong Kong, the friends I saw each and everyday, and the independence I had. Its been two months today and I still have days where I truly wish I was back in Hong Kong eating the street food and walking its busy streets.
―Fernando Pessoa
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